


you're dirt (but why do i want you so bad)

by joahdun



Series: angst [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:37:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joahdun/pseuds/joahdun
Summary: the one in which percy reflects upon his and jason's relationshipTW for some mentions of a suicide attempt





	you're dirt (but why do i want you so bad)

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell i got dumped for a whore who lied to me about everything she swore she wasn't and i was stupid enough to believe 
> 
>  
> 
> also its not jercy per se, more like my vent in the persona of percy so that if she ever sees this i can be like it's just fanficiton

i didn't understand relationships. 

back then, the idea of needing to posess something to show your love seemed dumb. 

left and right, all i could see was people needing their loved things to be theirs and theirs only, and it seemed rather dumb that we did that to people too. 

 

then i met you. 

i understood what it was about. 

i wanted you all to myself, never to leave my side. 

i was addicted to the way you made me feel, and the idea of someone else taking you away from me was something that would keep me up at night. 

 

you were my everything, and i just couldn't understand i couldn't i couldn't why i wasn't enough

you hung up the stars for me and all i seemed to do was take yours down

sometimes all i could think about was you  
but you would think of him

 

but not me  
no, never me

 

was it something i did

 

i feel foolish now

for thinking that i was the only person that could have you

that you were the reason i was happy

no, i was wrong

you are not my source of happiness 

you do not make me who i am

 

was it because of that one time i screamed at you for tracking mud into the house  
if so im sorry im sorry im sorry 

 

you do not control me

i am my own man

 

please take me back i'll do anything 

 

i hate you

i love you

i hate  
y o u

 

i am so obsessed with you

your smile 

your laugh

your selflessness

your perseverance

your existence 

your smell

 

god i wish you were fucking dead

 

you fat whore god god god i want out 

you know what i was going through why would you do this to me

why would you tell me you're leaving me because of something i can not con trrol

 

i am a balloon 

you let out my air 

to fill it with your water

 

and now im just drowing 

 

i should have fucking realized you were no good 

 

a liar a liar i let my walls down for you to see

i cried into your shoulder the night before i took a whole bottle of tylenol

you let me believe you were there when i got sick the next day and knocked out because pain meds do that to you

you were my anchor 

you were my last hope my last string i truly truly believed you were there for me 

 

and then you had the fucking audacity

to tell me 

i was too high maintanence

 

you typed up a few words on your phone

pressed send

and forgot all about me

 

you couldn't even tell me to my face

 

is that all i am worth?

 

a green bubble on a pixelated screen 

a fill in for the one you really want

 

i guess so 

 

no no no you are nothing

i will forget about you in three years time

 

when i have new friends

people who want to hang out with me, i'll swear it on my life 

people who don't hang out with me because they pity me

people who actually want me

they're out there somewhere i promise

 

just not here

 

i swear just give me time and i'll come back with enough i hope will tell you you missed out 

 

i know i'm not good enough now but ill do something interesting i swear

 

ill get a cool person who loves me more than any of you FUCKERS ever did 

 

someone who really gets me and won't leave me like all of you did 

 

i'll be the one laughing while all of you stare, just wait 

maybe i'll be famous 

who knows

 

you'll see me up on the big screen and wish you stayed with me 

 

you're disgusting

so you would only stay with me if i had the money  
the fame  
the glory

so that i could be your arm candy for what?

to gain more instagram followers on that abyssal account of yours?

mind you, you haven't taken the highlight where you proclaimed your love for me in yet.

 

god please please take me back i hate this

i hate you

no

i love you

but i do not need you anymore 

(ido)

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry i didn't mean to call her a whore just a big fat liar who i wish i could curse and tell to eat trash for all i care but lmao i do care
> 
> and the fucking snake sends me edits of her with her new girlfriend today afternoon and is like opinions and theyre making out in like 50 scenes and it realllyyyyy got my blood boiling hence this shit but god i wish i could shoot her in the foot or just fucking kiss her hA IM A MESS CAN YOU TELL YET IM LOTERALLY SHAKING
> 
>  
> 
> im so fucking lonely i wish i had a friend but nobody can stand me apparently lol whops


End file.
